When Life Doesn’t Look the Way You Thought It Would
There’s a moment, sometimes quiet, sometimes loud, when you look around at your life and realize it doesn’t quite resemble the one you once imagined.
Maybe you thought you’d live in a different city. Or still be married. Or have a closer relationship with a parent or a child.
Maybe you thought you’d be further along, or less tired, or more sure of yourself by now. Maybe you thought you’d feel different—lighter, happier, steadier.
And yet… here you are. Living a life that’s familiar in some places, surprising in others, and slightly off-script in ways you never saw coming.
What no one tells you is that this moment—the moment of realizing life didn’t turn out the way you expected—is universal. Quiet and private, yes, but universal. Everyone has their version of this reckoning.
The Myth of the Straight-Line Life
When we were younger, many of us believed in a straight-line life: Do the “right” things → Make the “right” choices → Earn the “right” outcomes.
We believed hard work guaranteed stability, that being kind guaranteed love, and that being strong meant things wouldn’t hurt so much. We thought that if we followed our roadmap, we’d end up exactly where we planned.
No one mentioned the detours, the sudden storms, the beautiful surprises, the devastating losses, and the chapters we couldn’t write ahead of time.
We now know that life isn’t a straight line, but a landscape with unpredictable, uneven, breathtaking, and sometimes brutal territory. And yet, somehow, we expect ourselves to move through it as if there’s only one correct path.
The Grief of Unlived Lives
What we don’t often talk about is that when life doesn’t match the picture we once held, there is grief in that. For me, it was the grief of marriages that didn’t last, the youthful dreams that never took shape, and the time I can never get back.
And sure, the grief is complicated to deal with, but we have to let ourselves feel it so we can get past it. By acknowledging what didn’t happen, we create space to notice what did.
The Beauty in the Unplanned
Some of the best pieces of our lives come from the moments we didn’t plan. In my case, it’s the friendships that became family, the strength that I never knew I had, and the wisdom carved from moments I thought would break me.
We all have these unplanned moments, and they’re what have created the life we may not have imagined, but that we’re living in all its messy glory.
Who You Thought You’d Be vs. Who You Are Now
There’s often a disconnect between the person you thought you’d become and the person you are today. Younger you certainly couldn’t have known what life would ask of you, or what you’d survive, outgrow, or carry with you. She didn’t know what it would cost you to become this version of yourself.
But the woman you are now? She’s walked through fire. She’s learned things the hard way. And she’s still here, softer in some places, stronger in others.
That woman deserves more credit than she gives herself.
Making Peace With the Life in Front of You
Making peace with a life that didn’t go as planned doesn’t mean lowering your expectations or giving up on your dreams. It means recognizing that the old roadmap is no longer necessary. Recognizing what is instead of what “should have been.” Should is one of those words that I’d invite you to remove from your vocabulary… I stopped “should”ing all over myself many years ago, and it’s made for a much more peaceful life.
Here are a few ways to begin to make peace with the life you have now:
Name what you’re grieving. You can’t heal what you pretend you don’t miss.
Notice what your unplanned life has given you: strength, insight, new relationships, a more profound sense of self.
Let yourself imagine again. Just because a dream didn’t happen before doesn’t mean nothing new can happen now.
Rewrite your story in real time. Ask: Who am I today? What matters now? What kind of life am I willing to build next?
Let your story expand. Your life isn’t over, and your story isn’t finished. You’re allowed to want more.
Life Rarely Looks Like We Thought It Would
Those pictures we held in our minds are just that: pictures. Sometimes they become reality, sometimes not. And that’s perfectly okay.
Life can be more challenging, lonelier, or far more beautiful than we ever expected. And sometimes (often) it’s all those things at once.
The life you’re living right now, even with its imperfections, is full of possibility. You haven’t missed your chance—you’re just in a chapter younger you didn’t know about yet.
And there’s more ahead of you than you think. So jump in and enjoy every delicious minute of this life you’ve built.
